Without Regret

I’ve heard it said, that sometimes
You’ve got to go back…
All the way back to the beginning,
In order to find the end.
To finally let go of what’s gone,
And create something new.

When I first came to Grand Haven,
It was in the company of a friend.
Someone I loved and cherished,
But in a strange and unique
Sort of way…
But that wasn’t my choice;
Fate is cruel sometimes.

We lived in different worlds,
At times, hundreds of miles apart,
Sometimes it was just the years.
Beside her I felt more alive
Than I’ve ever felt before… or since.
I felt like I’d never grow old,
But I don’t think she saw it that way.

I was already old in her eyes,
And though she valued my experience,
And the many facets of my heart and soul,
Always it was there, in back of her mind;
The ten years I can never get back.
I’d have given her all the ones I have left,
But maybe they aren’t worth as much,
As the ten years she never forgot.

We came to this place together,
Because I couldn’t let her go alone
To the Coast Guard Festival,
On a misty, gray day…
That I’ll never forget.
It was an awkward day, at first,
Because neither of us knew
What the other was expecting.

I knew she wanted to leave this state,
See the world and help it’s people.
Who was I, one that had already been there,
To tell her she shouldn’t follow her dreams?
She might have even stayed, but at what cost?
I couldn’t take away the fire in her spirit,
The very essence of what I loved in her,
She’d have likely ended up hating me,
Or worse yet; hating herself.

But for that one moment in time,
On one cold, wet, perfect day,
Huddled together on the wharf…
Waiting for the weather to pass,
And the fireworks to begin…
She needed me that day,
Maybe more than she knew.
And as I held her close, I knew I wanted
To stay there, cold and wet and happy…
With her, in that moment, forever.

In some ways, I have been…

On the drive home,
With her asleep in the seat next to me,
I knew I needed her too,
More than I ever knew before.
Even with the knowledge she’d never stay,
And I couldn’t follow…
Still, a part of me did,
And I kept a part of her with me.

So I came back here, to the place I’ve always been,
Alone, yet not.
I walked the same places we’d walked,
Alone, yet not.
I watched the slow sunset,
As the waves came crashing on the beach,
And I thought, What does California have on this?
There’s a beautiful life right here.

I left my piece of her, carried in my heart,
On that beach, in that sunset…
With hopes it’ll find it’s way back to her.
I’ll never know if she felt it return.
But I wish her a beautiful life, with it.
There’s beauty everywhere,
If you can feel it.

Sometimes you’ve got to go back,
All the way back to the beginning
To find that defining moment that holds you.
To give it back to the universe, to move on…
To remember always… without regret.

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